I know I haven't updated in forever, but I guess tonight I just really wanted to write something. Well anyways, I guess technically its morning. I've been up all night writing my lab report, jotting down ideas for my statement of intent for grad school, and of course watching the episodes of grey's anatomy that I downloaded.

That show has quickly become one of my favorite shows ever. It really gets me thinking about my future--my career path. Well, the show and my statement of intent. We need to write a lovely little essay discussing what our future holds. If thats not scary, I dont know what is.

Basically theres three choices for me.
1) I can go into industry, probably make more money, start a family, develop new lifesaving machines or devices, and end up doing the same procedure over and over again until i get promoted. Then I'll just be the boss who tells the guy to do the procedure over and over again.
2) I can go into research. This path would require a ph.d. I would love being called Dr. Winters, and plus the pay wouldn't be bad either. The work would be extremely versatile and I'd maybe discover something amazing. But the downsides are the grant proposals, just constantly writing, hoping. Also the persistance, changing the procedure so little each time to account for another variable.
3) Finally, theres the med school approach. This one seems to be just my romantic fantasy. I highly doubt I'd end up here, but its nice to think it deep down inside. I'd have to take a lot more classes, probably staying here for 5 years. Then theres the debt plus time commitment. I think I would have to put my family or my potential family on hold while I'm becoming that Dr. Somehow that reality just doesnt seem as romantic as my silly fantasies do.

So all in all, I'm stuck between research and industry. I fear the monotomy and the failure. I want something I can love doing, and I can excel out. I remember watching Grey's Anatomy last week and dr Burke explained that he was never the smartest student, but where he lacked there, he made up with his dedication and work ethic. Basically thats how I feel. I may not be the brightest, but I have no problem studying for days on end to achieve my dreams. Hopefully that can be my winning card.

Maybe that card will land me in industry where I put in the hours to rise to the top. Or maybe it will put me in research where i'll persist until i discover a cure. Guess time can only tell that one. Just too bad I have to write an essay on it when I really am at a loss.

Today was my last pre-op so now I go into surgery on tuesday... wish me luck!

In other news, I got the Jimmy Eat World - Futures cd early (released on October 19th) and it is my favorite cd of the year. Everyone has to get it.